just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
