she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
