Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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