the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
