So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
