Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
