i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
