No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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