I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
