If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The adults are the big ones right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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