Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
