whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
