if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
