he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
