I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
