I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
