you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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