There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
