Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
