Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
