Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
