Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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