Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
