I think I died a long time ago.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
