i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
