But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
