the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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