New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
