the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
