Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
