He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
