chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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