you would pick up someone in the library
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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