You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
