There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
