I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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