I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
