That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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