I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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