its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
two words...techno handjob
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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