We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
