Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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