I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
