He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
