omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
