Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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