I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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