She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
