Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
