Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
