I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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