hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
how does that bad decision feel?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
